I am so tired of being feeling like awful (and other not so politically correct terms). I love my job, and I feel I work hard and give every case/patient my all. I feel fulfilled working at the clinic I am at, yet, I feel like the clients I see are really comparing me to the other vets more experienced than me, like they are waiting for me to screw up as I am their second choice. To top it off my boss asks like I don’t see enough patient, as I am running between two rooms with seizuring dogs in each. I am the first one to work and normally the last one to go home at night. I work most of my lunches, and still that is not enough.
At the end of the day, I go home feeling like I am not a good veterinarian, not fast enough, not what my clinic needs in an associate, and planning not good enough. Then I research things at home each night wondering why I try, it does not matter anyway, I am still not good enough. 3 years into practice I am still not good enough!
Sometimes I go to bed hoping not to wake up, or for some accident to happen to me, so I don’t have to feel not good enough anymore. Or maybe it will prevent me from facing the reality that I am not good enough to be a vet.