All posts by vetconfessionals
I am so tired of being feeling like awful (and other not so politically correct terms). I love my job, and I feel I work hard and give every case/patient my all. I feel fulfilled working at the clinic I am at, yet, I feel like the clients I see are really comparing me to the other vets more experienced than me, like they are waiting for me to screw up as I am their second choice. To top it off my boss asks like I don’t see enough patient, as I am running between two rooms with seizuring dogs in each. I am the first one to work and normally the last one to go home at night. I work most of my lunches, and still that is not enough.
At the end of the day, I go home feeling like I am not a good veterinarian, not fast enough, not what my clinic needs in an associate, and planning not good enough. Then I research things at home each night wondering why I try, it does not matter anyway, I am still not good enough. 3 years into practice I am still not good enough!
Sometimes I go to bed hoping not to wake up, or for some accident to happen to me, so I don’t have to feel not good enough anymore. Or maybe it will prevent me from facing the reality that I am not good enough to be a vet.
All my life I was focused on getting into vet school. Taking extra classes for college credit in high school, applying for every scholarship, working through high school and undergrad at vet clinics as volunteer to get experience, and in retail to be able to pay for school. All this time I put off relationships for vet school and the veterinary profession. I thought I had to sacrifice friendships and romantic relationships to be a good vet. Now I am alone, drowning in debt and wondering if I will ever be a good vet, and for once an awhile, I just wish that I could come home to a husband, children, instead of my cats and dog.
I was studying to be a vet tech but became very depressed and had anxiety issues pretty much right from first year now that I think about it. By second year I overdosed and nearly killed myself. Somehow I managed to pass exams and got into third year but I hated it. I hated life, myself, my degree. It was so bad I couldn’t even bring myself to leave my room if there were people home. After another overdose I finally decided to call it quits and I moved home. Now I am doing another degree just so it wasn’t all a waste. But sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake in leaving. Maybe I should have gone back. Or should still go back. I don’t know if I made the right decision…
I really do love my job, but I hate that it has isolated me from the world. I work hard and try to do the best for all my patients, but as my first job as a veterinarian and our prices are slightly higher than other clinics around, I am considered the “new vet”, “expensive vet”, “makes me do tons of diagnostics vet” or just plainly the “bad vet”. I am literally afraid to do things in town that would allow me to make friends because everyone will be judging me by the clinic I work at, or by a story they may have heard about me or my clinic.
I am a second year vet student and my pet pig just died. I don’t expect myself to have been able to save her or even know what was wrong, but I don’t think I did enough anyway. I only called our vet once and then took his suggestion to let her wait the symptoms out. Three days later and she’s dead. I’m heart broken, I let her down. If I couldn’t even care for her well enough, how could I possibly be a good vet? Vet school is hard enough, but going through it knowing that no matter how well I do academically (which isn’t going too well either, to be honest), I’ll never be good enough, that might be too much for me.
I’ve been working as a vet for 4 months now and starting to feel like it’s all too much.
I keep being told by my bosses and senior vets that I’m not performing as well as I should be this far out, yet they’re happy to leave me alone in the clinic without back up one or two days a week. I don’t feel like I’m getting enough support, but I know this is something many of my classmates are dealing with.
Maybe I’m just not cut out for this profession?
If I had known how much time I would spend expressing anal glands and trimming nails I absolutely would not have gone to vet school. I feel like that’s something I’m wasting my education by doing.
Working in my current clinic makes me want to take my own life on a daily basis. But I can’t quit, because I need the money. The office manager here has a history of “black listing” previous employees via email to every clinic in our area. Would literally have to move away and start my life over. VetMed just isn’t worth this.
I recently quit vet school. Even using that word goes against how I want to phrase it but that it what happened in a nutshell. I quit. Why? Depression. Fair of failure. I was scared of where I was heading. Three years in I was still passing well, I was smiling, I was laughing… I was dying inside. How do you tell your classmates when you know that half of them are holding similar thoughts and you’re the one helping them? You’re their rock. You’re their support.
I will always wonder what it would be like if had stuck it out. Now I just lie and tell people I decided I did not want to become a vet after all.
To those in training, do not give up. Talk to others. Share your doubts. Don’t let your entire life become one.
(So I am not a vet and unsure if this is allowed but it is nice to share something I keep within. And if you do post it, perhaps it will help a student who reads it. Thanks either way)